Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Jesus is my Hommie

Ok, I’m a bad person. I Know I am. I won’t argue the fact. I did something that I am not ashamed of in the slightest and I got scolded for it so I want to tell everyone what I did to confirm, for myself, whether or not this was actually funny.
On Easter, Mike drug me out to a church just up the street. I went willingly enough but for me it was really more of a time-killer. While we were there I thought it would be a hoot to fill out a pamphlet for new members only I put Mike’s name down instead of my own. I filled it all out and put a check next to every organization that the church had to offer and then wrote in that he was thinking of becoming saved but needed some help to do it.
Alright, it was a bit over the top I realize, but people really, I do these kinds of things all the time. I thought that Mike would receive all sorts of “junk” mail that would be kind of annoying and it would be funny for me every time he got the fat envelopes in the mail…for the next year. You know the no one gets hurt, long-term kind of practical joke. Well, today I get a phone call at the house. “Hello, is a Mike ____ there?” “Not right now”, I reply “can I take a message?” “This is _________ from the (Baptist church up the street) and we were just calling to see if Mike wanted to talk about...” The basic gist is that they think they have a ready convert and are taking the direct approach so they can score another soul for the Big Man. I can understand that. So, what else could I do? “Let me give you his cell phone number and email address”, I said “He is really interested in converting.”
Later I found out that they had called Mike at work and pummeled him into a meeting with two Pastors from the church. They want to take him out to lunch; they would even pay for it. Mike was as resistant as he could be without just saying no and he may not even go in the end. When he told me I said that I would go in his stead. Hey, a free meal is a free meal, but Mike felt that that may just be opening the door to more religion based high-jinks not to mention being “morally wrong”. I guess he’s right a joke should only go so far. However, didn’t Jesus say “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man some gullible Christians and he could eat…”, well, you get the idea.

On a similar note: Someone came by my work the other day and tried to save my soul by giving me a “tract”. If you don’t know what these are check out the link. They are these little cartoon books that are designed to scare you into becoming a Christian. I was so entertained by the one I got that I had to see more so I went to the manufacturer’s website and read like twenty of them. I have got to tell you people, if you have some time to kill read these things they’re great! Over zealous Christians are funny on so many different levels.
I have no idea who these things are supposed to work on. How many people a year do you suppose read one of these things and decide to convert? I don’t know but it sure is fun to read. My favorites are the ones bashing the Theory of Evolution, Catholics, and gays but there is much, much more! Oh, and I liked reading these things so much that I've added them to my links section...but you'll have guess which link it is.

**If I offended anyone with this article please understand that it was all in good fun and not meant to be condescending or derogative to any one or to Christians in general. I only mock because I care and after all life is funny sometimes.


Da Beef said...

I think that that is outright hilarious! Damn funny...maybe a little over the top, but funny. I can't believe that they are actually going as far as to contact Mike at work and take him out for lunch. I think you going in his place would be wrong though. Did he know that you did all that before he got the call? I think Mike needs to turn them down before he gets their hope up though, and before the "free meal".

Mad Mike said...

As funny as you thought that was you now belong to every porn of the day daily e-mail, even goat play. Who's the funny man now biotch.

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot. I can cut that statement down by 50%. You idiot. Ok, another 50%. Idiot.

Brillig said...

Thank you for commenting so eloquently “anonymous”. It’s not often that I get such a bold and cohesive statement such as yours. In the future be sure to check back for more offensive materials that you can blither about so deftly. We here at brilligmark are happy to provide the finest in insulting observations to all who care to read. Thanks again and may “God” bless.