Mary Poppins once said “In every chore there is an element of fun. If you find the fun then snap (snap), the job becomes a game.” I have always felt that taking my dog on his afternoon walk was a bit of a chore. We have to chris-cross the apartment complex with him pulling and sniffing everywhere. The crowning moment though is his poo. He usually waits until…well forever to do his business. That is until I discovered something.
I have found that if I put a little resistance on his lease, you know just sort of pull back, his poo will start to push out. Sorry, I don’t know a better, more euphemistic or poetic way of phrasing it. I pull, he pushes. Now, bearing this in mind, picture his lease. It is one of those retracting deals with the thumb button that allows it to lock; similar to a fishing reel. There you have all the elements; and what makes this nastiness so fun you ask?
Well, it requires some skill, those poo’s don’t just line up and jump out like army parachuter’s out of a plane…no, no. It’s like fishing. You know, he’ll pull and I’ll give some resistance, he’ll turn in another direction and I’ll give him some line. Pull-give, stop-reel in, and so forth until I have caught a brown trout. I consider myself a rather accomplished Turd Angler. It is like watching one of those fishing shows on ESPN 8 (the ocho), except way more fucked up. The weirdest thing; you can tell if its gonna be a big one on the line. LJ was quite amazed when I showed her. She will stand there with the net (dog-bag) and I will yell directions. “Get ready! Whoa! This one’s a fighter” and she will reply with “Keep it down.” She’s like my assistant. Now, if I could just find a taxidermist with a sense of humor.