Monday, October 08, 2007

Merry Halloween!

I am disgusted; there I said it. The feeling has been mounting year after year, until now it has come to a head. As with most things I was able to bottle up my growing rage inside so that I could release it at an appropriate moment like at a girl scout selling cookies or at the teenager handing my food over at the drive through. Yet, now I feel it’s my duty to address the problem strait on.

Christmas has crossed the line! In years past Christmas was held firmly in the later weeks of November and into December. Now though, when LJ and I went to check out the Halloween display at Target we were greeted with massive displays of tacky Santa Clauses in glittering lights situated just behind the paltry Halloween display. Like the loud drunk at a holiday party begging for your attention just behind your friend that you haven’t seen in a while. It is unbelievable to me that Christmas decorations were put on the shelves in the late weeks of September and will remain there slowly engulfing other holiday displays, like a growing cancer, until December is over. That’s over three months! More than a quarter of the year!

I can’t speak for everyone, but I love every holiday individually. Halloween is probably my favorite though. So, this is a call to arms to all my fellow Halloween’ers (that didn’t sound right). Maybe we should call ourselves something else…like…pumpkin fuckers; I’ll keep working on it. Anyway, we need to send a message to Christmas by kidnapping Santa, tying him up and taking over his holiday. Hmmm, sounds like a Tim Burton movie plot. Maybe instead we should just spray paint all the tacky decorations black and hang little jack-o-lanterns from the fake trees. We can beat the store managers with large sacks of candy or dead cats and do the thriller dance in the parking lots of all major retailers, before the cops show up.

I like that way better. Screw Christmas! We need more holidays with a tinge of the macabre. Maybe we should start hanging decorations for other holidays that have a slight morbidity. Like nooses around the necks of leprechauns or an evil looking bunny carrying severed heads in its basket. Christmas is pretty good already, though we’d have to use nailed up on a cross Jesus, instead of baby Jesus. Now that’s grisly.