Findor

The greatest of all Super Heroes

I have been of the impression, for a long while now, that most every super power out there actually sucks. Really, when you ask someone “Hey, if you could have any super power what would it be?” There will be the inevitable person who answers, “I would want to be able to fly” or “I want super strength” or “I want to be able to…” What most people don’t realize is that there are a shit-ton of draw backs to having any of these super powers.

First off, if you could fly you would still be susceptible to any number of problems. Atmospheric pressures, windburn, wind chill, hitting obstacles (what do you think would happen to you while flying 200mph + and you hit a bird), not to mention what would happen if people saw you flying around. You think people are just going to be happy for you? Second, super strength. If you were super strong you would barely be able to handle normal life. Everything you touched would be in danger of breaking. What happens when you have a nightmare and kick whomever you are sleep next to? You might wake up with a hole in the wall and the police at your door. All I’m saying is that to wish for these types of super powers is asinine.

I have long believed that the best super power to have would be the ability to find anything any where at any time. Think about it. How much time in your life would you save if suddenly you knew where your car keys were. Where you left your _____. Better yet, how valuable of a person would you be to any government if they knew you could find who ever or whatever facility or whatever spy? How awesome would it be to know where anything, and I mean ANYTHING was? Totally awesome that’s what. And for this reason if I had this power my super identity would be Findor. I even came up with some T-shirt logos…that’s right T-shirts because I don’t have the money for an incredible costume. So, I guess either one of these.

Upon further thought I decided that any super hero team would have to have this person around otherwise how would they find criminals? I could be all like,”Yeah, Lex Luthor. He’s in the Hall of Doom at the bottom of the Florida everglades. You need me to draw you a map…Superman?” Plus, if a villain ever screwed with me I could tell him “Yeah, I know where you live asshole.” And mean it. Fuck’n A