Friday, August 05, 2005

Sty in the Eye


Sorry for my last post. I was just lazy that night. For now, however, I want to tell you all about my horrible affliction. If the title didn’t give it away I have a sty. This is nowhere near as exciting as finding my first gray hair a few months back. This sucks!

Let me tell you that before today I had absolutely no clue what a “sty” was. I woke up with my eye in major pain and decided that I should go to the university clinic to get to the root of the problem. I go and sit for forty minutes in the waiting room. Then get a nurse who decides she needs to check my vision. Then wait for another twenty minutes before I see the doctor; who comes in takes one look at my eye and declares that I have a sty. “A stile”, I ask. “No, a STY”, she replies as though talking to a confused third grader.

That was it; I called work telling them I had an eye infection so that I could go to the clinic and when I show up my boss diagnoses me as quickly as my doctor did. I am the only person at my age, apparently, who has never had one of these little bastards. I feel like a kid who has discovered farts for the first time. Plus, Mike and LJ have had them and I guess I kinda feel like they were hidding something from me. Like I'm the only one not in the sty club.

So what can I do about it? Nothing. I have to sit back and let nature take it’s course. Damn, I hate when my body double crosses me and makes me look like an idiot. I'll have to plan a devious revenge like sitting in an uncomfortable chair or something. Back on topic, at some point I’m going to stop asking people what things are so I won’t look stupid. I can see myself going into a physical at the age of seventy and the doctor leaping away from my back because there is an arm growing out or something equally Outer Limits. “What, that’s not normal?”

4 comments:

mommyjolle said...

You mean we never mentioned this anomaly to you before? How remiss of us! Of course, I'm just waiting for someone to tell you that the root cause of this affliction is because you weren't breast fed long enough or because didn't get enough carrots as a child. Somehow, moms are ultimately always to blame! Sigh....
Actually, the clinic may not have wanted to scare you by telling you that stys usually indicate that you are a witch, uh, warlock, or maybe a gremlin...I forget.

Brillig said...

You are the worst! Whaaaaa.....

Nothing Like It said...

Haha awh...I had a stye last year. "Stye" is such a disgusting word, maybe beacuse of it's association with where pigs live but even if you forget that, the word sounds horrible. Almost as horrible as having a painful thing growing out of your eyelid...I was so tempted to squeeze mine until it disappeared but apparenly that's not the right way to go about getting rid of it, so I left it, and it went. Phew!

Brian said...

I've never had a sty either. So uhm don't give me one. Please?